So stuff happened...

Hey Deviants.

I've been pretty inactive on Deviant Art lately...just posting things and replying to the few comments that I receive on posts. And there is a reason besides school and stress and all that. And I'm going to spill everything on this post so the following words are going to mainly rant-y. 

So, about a month or two ago, my parents found out I'm queer. It was absolutely terrible. I'm from an Indian heritage and that basically means that they're just not accepting of anything outside of the typical Indian norm. Indians can't be attracted to their own gender! (notice the sarcasm) Basically, my mother confronted me about this and I got so freaked out that I just told them because I've been hiding such a big thing from her for such a long time. But honestly, I wanted to tell them this much later in my life...preferably when I'm out of the house. My mom was obviously very upset and expected that from her, but I expected her to also be understanding as well. So obviously she told my father and we had this long conversation which involved my mother crying and blaming herself for everything and my dad repeatedly saying that I'm confused. Since that night, we've had tons of fights. They keep on telling me that I'm confused I'm confused I'm confused I'm confused I'm confused I'm confused.....and that's all I really am, aren't I? Seriously, I feel so hollow thinking about it because for those two weeks after that night was the possible feeling I have felt. The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally...just not anymore. Finally, they reached the conclusion that I have a mental disorder and who better to go to for help than a psychologist? So I went to the psychologist and much to their surprise  *dramatic gasp* the psychologist couldn't do anything about it because apparently I don't have a mental disorder. Who would have known? So on the car ride back, my parents again started yelling at me. My mom started crying again and my dad even called me a prostitute (even though I have never dated anyone). They are completely misinformed about my sexuality and they won't even try to do any researched on the topic so they can at least try to enlighten themselves. I had a dance performance later on that day so it helped me take my mind off of that. It's definitely cooled down a lot since then. I told them that "I'm making progress" and that "I'm trying very hard" as well and they just gobble it up. They just tell me to pray to God and hope he helps me get off the path I'm in. Otherwise, they've been pretending that the incident never happened. However, they still have trust issues, so they basically blocked every social media and blogs on my computer. This includes Deviant Art, Tumblr, Youtube, Blogger, etc. Fortunately, the computers at the library have not been blocked so I have been able to post things when I find the free time. Also, being on the robotics team at school has helped a ton because literally 75% of the team identifies as lgbt and my friends have been very supportive. 

God - I feel completely drained from writing that. But at least you all are informed...

From,
Urvi Panda (The-Artist-Incognito)